Jesus Would Honor His Parents
by Jeff Himmel
by Jeff Himmel
The fifth of God’s “Ten Commandments” to ancient Israel was, “Honor your father and your mother…” (Exodus 20:12). They were to “reverence” (literally “fear”) their parents, holding them in the highest esteem and value (Leviticus 19:3). We’re mistaken if we think such commandments are just for young children. There’s something here for everyone. Let me suggest three ways to honor our fathers and mothers:
1. Young people, honor them by respecting their authority. “Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord” (Colossians 3:20). I know this isn’t always easy. You don’t always see the reason for their rules and limits. A three-year-old may not see the harm in playing in the middle of the street, and a teenager may not see the harm in going to an unsupervised party. But mom and dad have a good reason for saying no. I know they seem hopelessly out of touch with reality at times. But actually, they’ve seen a lot more of reality than you have. So they know what they’re talking about. Listen to them.
Honoring your parents goes beyond abiding by their rules. Many kids obey their parents but still show contempt for them. They talk disrespectfully to them and talk disrespectfully about them. God in¬structed Israel, “He who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death” (Exodus 21:17). Just as one who reveres God will not speak His name lightly (see Exodus 20:7), one who reveres his parents will always show respect for them.
2. Adults, honor them by living as they taught you. The good news about your out-of-touch parents is that they don’t stay that way for long. The older you get, the smarter they appear. The more you take responsibility for your own life, the more you see the wisdom of their instruction.
The apostle Paul calls the fifth commandment “the first commandment with a promise: that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth” (Ephesians 6:2, 3). Our parents’ instruction and discipline equips us to succeed as adults. “A wise son makes a father glad, but a foolish son is a grief to his mother” (Proverbs 10:1).
Solomon wrote, “My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments; for length of days and years of life, and peace they will add to you” (Proverbs 3:1-2). Were these words directed to his son Reho¬boam? If so, we should take note. When Reho¬boam became king, he lost most of his kingdom by rejecting the counsel of his father’s advisors (1 Kings 12:1-16). Worse, he turned away from Solomon’s righteous advice, dragging his nation quickly into spiritual darkness. The price of ignoring our parents’ wisdom is high.
3. Honor them in their later years. “A gray head is a crown of glory; it is found in the way of righteousness” (Proverbs 16:31). God teaches respect for the aged, and that should certainly apply to our own parents. In a culture where many people cast aside the elderly as useless, this is a much-needed lesson. Jesus shows that the command to honor our parents has no time limits.
Some rabbis in Jesus’ day had a creative way to avoid helping one’s aged parents. They taught that a person could take the money he would have used to help his parents and instead donate it as a gift to God (i.e., put it in the temple treasury). By giving the money to a higher cause, he was freed from his obligation to his parents. But Jesus denounced this “loophole” as a direct violation of God’s law. Here is His verdict:
God said, ‘Honor your father and mother’…But you say, ‘Whoever says to his father or mother, “Whatever I have that would help you has been given to God,” he is not to honor his father or his mother.’ And by this you invalidated the word of God for the sake of your tradition (Matthew 15:4-6).
Jesus practiced what He preached. Even as He was dying, He placed His own mother in the care of a trusted and beloved disciple (John 19:26-27).
We owe our parents a debt of honor for what they have contributed to our lives. Paul emphasizes this in his instructions con¬cerning widows: “But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to practice piety in regard to their own family, and to make some return to their parents; for this is acceptable in the sight of God” (1 Timothy 5:4). He adds, “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever” (verse 8).
Do your parents know how much you honor them?
1. Young people, honor them by respecting their authority. “Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord” (Colossians 3:20). I know this isn’t always easy. You don’t always see the reason for their rules and limits. A three-year-old may not see the harm in playing in the middle of the street, and a teenager may not see the harm in going to an unsupervised party. But mom and dad have a good reason for saying no. I know they seem hopelessly out of touch with reality at times. But actually, they’ve seen a lot more of reality than you have. So they know what they’re talking about. Listen to them.
Honoring your parents goes beyond abiding by their rules. Many kids obey their parents but still show contempt for them. They talk disrespectfully to them and talk disrespectfully about them. God in¬structed Israel, “He who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death” (Exodus 21:17). Just as one who reveres God will not speak His name lightly (see Exodus 20:7), one who reveres his parents will always show respect for them.
2. Adults, honor them by living as they taught you. The good news about your out-of-touch parents is that they don’t stay that way for long. The older you get, the smarter they appear. The more you take responsibility for your own life, the more you see the wisdom of their instruction.
The apostle Paul calls the fifth commandment “the first commandment with a promise: that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth” (Ephesians 6:2, 3). Our parents’ instruction and discipline equips us to succeed as adults. “A wise son makes a father glad, but a foolish son is a grief to his mother” (Proverbs 10:1).
Solomon wrote, “My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments; for length of days and years of life, and peace they will add to you” (Proverbs 3:1-2). Were these words directed to his son Reho¬boam? If so, we should take note. When Reho¬boam became king, he lost most of his kingdom by rejecting the counsel of his father’s advisors (1 Kings 12:1-16). Worse, he turned away from Solomon’s righteous advice, dragging his nation quickly into spiritual darkness. The price of ignoring our parents’ wisdom is high.
3. Honor them in their later years. “A gray head is a crown of glory; it is found in the way of righteousness” (Proverbs 16:31). God teaches respect for the aged, and that should certainly apply to our own parents. In a culture where many people cast aside the elderly as useless, this is a much-needed lesson. Jesus shows that the command to honor our parents has no time limits.
Some rabbis in Jesus’ day had a creative way to avoid helping one’s aged parents. They taught that a person could take the money he would have used to help his parents and instead donate it as a gift to God (i.e., put it in the temple treasury). By giving the money to a higher cause, he was freed from his obligation to his parents. But Jesus denounced this “loophole” as a direct violation of God’s law. Here is His verdict:
God said, ‘Honor your father and mother’…But you say, ‘Whoever says to his father or mother, “Whatever I have that would help you has been given to God,” he is not to honor his father or his mother.’ And by this you invalidated the word of God for the sake of your tradition (Matthew 15:4-6).
Jesus practiced what He preached. Even as He was dying, He placed His own mother in the care of a trusted and beloved disciple (John 19:26-27).
We owe our parents a debt of honor for what they have contributed to our lives. Paul emphasizes this in his instructions con¬cerning widows: “But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to practice piety in regard to their own family, and to make some return to their parents; for this is acceptable in the sight of God” (1 Timothy 5:4). He adds, “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever” (verse 8).
Do your parents know how much you honor them?
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2 comments:
How do you "honor" an elderly parent when she belittles you? When, even though you are grown with children and grandchildren of your own, she complains that you don't do enough and is ungrateful for what you do do? When she criticizes you endlessly? When as a mother she put her social life above being a mother to her own children? When she stabs you in the back and undermines you? When she feels that speaking her own mind is an entitlement of age? When she was widowed at age 42 and proceeded to have several affairs with married men? Tell me how you honor that? Tell me what the word "honor" means? And is it not honoring to tell your parent when they have hurt the feelings of her grandchildren by her insensitive comments? Or do you just cower under the critisim and complaints, bite your tongue and call this "honoring"?
Jill:
Thanks for your comments. You’ve raised an issue that many of us struggle with: the difficulty of showing honor toward someone whose personal behavior is anything but honorable.
First, let’s consider a couple of related concepts from the Bible. Then let’s try to address the concerns you raised.
Jesus teaches us to love our enemies, even those who mistreat us (see Matthew 5:43-48). The love He commands is not a feeling of the heart, but a disposition of the will. It may be impossible to feel tender affection for someone who treats you with contempt or abuse (including a parent), but you can still show love toward them by repaying their evil with mercy and kindness (see Romans 12:17-21). We’re not commanded to like them, but we are commanded to love them.
God teaches us to honor government officials (1 Peter 2:13-17; Romans 13:1-7). Whether or not those officials are likeable, moral people, is not the issue. I doubt that first-century Christians were impressed with the character of many people in government, but God still expected them to be respectful, obedient citizens. The same is true for us. We don’t have to like them, but we do have to honor them.
God’s command to honor one’s parents is much the same. Admittedly, in the case of a parent whose behavior is just rotten, honor doesn’t come easily. It is hard, if not impossible, to feel any genuine respect for their character. But that’s not really what the Lord asks of us. He asks us – commands us – to treat that person with dignity and compassion. The command to honor is not about how we feel, but how we behave.
And no, that doesn’t make it easy. It’s really hard to be kind, compassionate, and respectful toward someone who treats you like dirt. But that’s the way our Lord has taught us. It is that very expectation that sets Jesus’ teaching – and His followers – apart.
However, honoring your parents doesn’t mean you give them a free pass when they sin. In fact, I would contend that it’s a dishonor not to confront them if they have wronged you (see, for instance, Matthew 18:15; Luke 17:3; Galatians 6:1). You may need to be pretty direct (although not abusive or hateful) with someone who persists in sinful behavior. That does not show dishonor; it shows that you value that person’s soul enough to want them to change.
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